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The thing is what is my priority in life? Have i even consider my boyfriend as my priority?

I used to prioritize all these.

1. My family

2. My work

3. My friend

4. Other misc. stuffs.

Yes and my boyfriend mentioned that he is way beyond 3rd in my list. Firstly, I know that I prioritize my family very much because it's always in my list. The place of him in my heart. It's really confusing. Is it too little or is it too much??? I don't get it. Maybe too little in the sense that I give a much little effort. (I don't wish to google on that. That amounts to over reliant on the internet I guess) I remember him saying that "It'd be nice if you can do that. It'd be nice if you can send me home." Maybe I should start putting myself in his shoe? How am i suppose to do that when I can't even remember? Why is my memory so bad, I really blame myself.

I couldn't get any further. What's wrong with me? Why is it that things that people think so fast is totally slow for me? Why can't i appreciate more? I don't get it? Why? Why??

And i suddenly remember about all the things that he said. I am quite lost actually.

Effort that's a strong word.

*PS: Not sleepy today. I spent 1 and a half hr sleeping. But didn't get much work done due to my r/s issue. Am i a automatic person? No. I am definitely not. Because it takes time for me to react and process, that's why i am very scared. I need to be fast. Faster. So that i can be better. There's simply too much stress going on in my life that i can't multitask. That sucks!!!!!!!!!!!

And i need to find a way out. In putting efforts.

Why am i not putting efforts? Is it because i am spoon feed too much? Why? WHY? Too complacent? Why? Too COMFORTABLE?

I think, it's the small little thoughts that count.

signing off

sj-jiienx